Doing "Right-Right"

... ... ... Medieval-style.

I have been feeling weighed down lately by the many conflicts that seem to mark this year. Between countries, between religions, between races, between genders, between friends, between family members... and of course the undeniable conflicts within myself. For a number of reasons, mortality has also been a subject of thought for me these days. Although such contemplations are not easy or pain-free, I am grateful for their presence... I am indeed learning much and gaining patience.

Arhia, Rhiannon, Goat, Annwn.

When I was a child, I spent the majority of my time playing with big sister Rhiannon. She was the strong one, the imagination genie, the adventure warrior, and the one upon whom I modeled myself. I would have been utterly at a loss without her; she made my childhood what it was. A fight between us was rare--- she was a leader, I was a follower, we liked our positions, and I didn't often feel a need to oppose her. But inevitably a tiff occurred... and then woe betide me. Of course I am lucky. Annwn was much oftener the one left out. But alas I can only speak to my own experience, so I will say: it was hell being in the shadow of Rhiannon's frown. To make me understand the true meaning of my sin, whatever that may have been, Rhiannon would attach herself to Annwn instead and enact a little maneuver we called "Doing Right-Right." The tactic is simple: #1 (Rhiannon) shuns all communication with #2 (Arhia), making sure to rub her fantastic relationship with #3 (Annwn) in #2's face. Secret whispers and derisive laughs abound. Many a time #2 and #3 were switched up, as I said above, but of course I don't remember this clearly--- such is the human mind! The game was ridiculously effective, aka hurtful. Once upon a time I thought this was an invention of my tribe, but now I've come to understand it is a common practice among children... though perhaps known by another name.

Sun Tzu's Art of War.

As I remember it, we did this both to punish the one left out, and to create a sense of closeness between the two who "did right-right." To draw comparisons again with war: The enemy of my enemy is my friend... or, They had a common enemy. The cruel games of children, of course, are but trifling when one considers those we inflict upon each other as adults. Still, it seems to me that many motives remain the same. There is a desire to punish, and to identify over shared similarity with the one who is not marked by strangeness. Somehow it is a part of human nature, that reflex we have to shy away from difference--- to abhor things unknown (or wrongly perceived as unknown). 

Ready set awesome.

I have many a time committed acts of discrimination based on fear of difference. There are endless varieties of discrimination, some of them passing as unseen, socially acceptable, or even socially approved. For example, before Myer was hired at Harvard Business School, I had a habit of talking about "that kind of person" in a markedly rude and ignorant manner. This sort of discrimination, however, is highly acceptable among many people, even the well-educated. It can actually get you points to talk down about "corrupt Ivy League business people" in many circles. I understand that it may be a wholly different matter than, say, the Fergusen-style racial atrocities going on in this country.... but fear is fear. Discrimination is discrimination. And I believe that whenever I use biased, judgmental, and ignorant language in any arena, I contribute to horrid acts such as the killing of Michael Brown. My friends and family may not ever think to call me "racist," but I sincerely see myself as necessarily having to be part of the problem. 

Racism is made of many ingredients, and none of them is equal to the product. Racism is made of non-racist elements. Like, imagine racism is a cookie--- that cookie does not include any ingredient in the recipe called "cookie".... it includes flour, sugar, butter, chocolate, nuts, etc. Saying a cookie is made out of cookies sounds ridiculous; so, too, does saying that racism is made out of racists. Ingredients in the cookie of racism include actions I myself have initiated, such as turning away from a man asking for money on the street because I was ashamed, when I could at least have smiled at him with genuine kindness... or making jokes about those "stupid jock guys" instead of putting myself in their shoes and contemplating the history and circumstances that formed them. Discrimination based on race, religion, sexual preference, gender, social or economic status... all of these have lengthy recipes and none of them exists apart from the fabric that is made from all of us. 

The best Imagine.

The new year is always a time for "resolutions," for fresh commitments and rejuvenated investment in living out one's beliefs... but I wish to make this promise every day: I shall strive to awaken within each moment, so that I may see my judgments before they calcify; to listen deeply without an agenda, without a need to prove or convince; to keep always in mind the subjective nature of truth so as not to be caught in the trap of righteousness; and to remain conscious of the contrast between my body's impermanence and the endlessly reverberating nature of my actions. Obviously I shall make countless mistakes as I continue to learn... but I do believe I have the capacity to become a creature of greater wisdom and awareness.

By: Thich Nhat Hanh